breaking through

i am not always patient. i am a complicated mashup of creative & analytical. i’m pretty skilled at creative problem-solving, finding the signal in the noise (when i’m not creating the noise), and, so i’ve been told, an expert listener and translator. sometimes, though, ideas get in the way of other ideas, and the path to clarity becomes needlessly arduous — like, the kind where, once you’ve got it all figured it out (for that moment, at least), you smack your forehead ruefully and say, “ugh. i really should get out of my own head and / or way.”

but. and. do we then remember to practice more shifting and reframing for next time? hells yeah. sometimes.
so that’s good. right? right.

recently, i got tired of being stared at by a large canvas leaning against the studio wall, begging me to pick it back up and finish turning it into something wonderful. this had gone on for months, but it and i were just not really communicating yet…or perhaps i wasn’t paying enough attention.

late one night, when sleep refused my every attempt, i decided i would simply paint over the entire thing — in my favorite wet-concrete grey — and try out some new ideas i’d been playing with involving paint, embroidery thread, and tulle. interestingly, i fell asleep before i could even jot down the thought.

the next morning, with renewed energy, i mixed up some acrylic paint, turned on some music, and worked to create the visual tabula rasa that would allow me to reset. as i painted, admiring the soothing color that was somehow both cool & warm, i became aware that a very different dialogue was starting to take shape. i realized that i was moving in another direction entirely, and a new piece, the real piece, suddenly snapped into focus. “ohhh, i see.” at least, i did now; but truthfully, i hadn’t seen it coming (at least not consciously). fortunately, though, i was ready when it did.
and, of course, it’s all so clear & right…now.

from blank canvas to failed experiment to multihued playspace to intriguing vision, and finally, to singular mixed-media work, this piece and i have gone on a little journey.

and even when i thought i had it all figured out during my late-night impromptu brainstorm — a very different idea than what ultimately emerged — it was only when i deeply engaged with the piece, the process, and the conversation, in the moment, and turned the analytical side way down, that i could truly pay attention.

i’m extremely glad i tuned in, because i love the piece and the new places & spaces that it has encouraged me to explore.

it’s also a reminder to me to listen as well as speak, fully, deeply, and to go with the flow a bit more — especially challenging at a time when we feel exceptionally low on control. the stepping away for a while, the shifting of perspective, the patience coupled with persistence, the willingness to experiment & change course, and the openness…that’s the perfect place to start.